Wednesday, May 1, 2013

And Now For My Next Trick, I'll Make A Metaphor Using A Funny Cat Video.

It's a cruel bit of irony when your 46th birthday lands on 'Take Your Child To Work Day' and you're a stay-at-home mom of teens. There are opportunities for insecurity on both fronts.  I can handle turning 46 (I think), but when people ask me what I 'do', I'm tired of not having something definitive to share.  I've loved being a stay-at-home mom.  Really, it's the best career I've ever had.  But my job description is changing a bit and I feel the need to adjust accordingly.

I felt comfortable making the choice to stay home with my kids because prior to becoming a mom, I had enjoyed a pretty satisfying professional life.  Plus, I felt advertising agencies were best left to the young and hip, and those not currently breastfeeding.  I was ready for something new and was up for the challenge of raising my kids 24/7.  I agreed with the notion that life could be lived in chapters, and I still do - the 20-something career chapter, the stay-at-home mom chapter, etc.  It's just that the pages I'm looking at now in aren't that easy to read.

I'm in the process of trying to figure out what I want to/can/should do with myself now that my babies are getting older.  My BFF, Tracy, refers to this as 'struggling for relevance' and that feels spot on.  I've dipped a toe into a few things over the last several years, but nothing has felt quite right - I need a Goldilocks moment.  I would venture to guess this feeling isn't exclusive to stay-at-home moms.  I imagine, to some extent, life direction issues arise for most people and they need to be addressed.  We evolve.  That's life.  And it's cool.

This is very representative of how I feel lately.  Perhaps you can relate.

In this case, I am the cat.  The shark suit symbolizes the appearance of me actually having a clue. The Roomba is my mind, and the duck represents my 'Thing'.  The Roomba seems to be directionless at times, turning randomly and bumping into things - moving the cat every which way.   Much as I'd like to say that's not the case for me it seems that my mind, and my subsequent progress toward learning what my 'Thing' is, is still somewhat unfocused and unproductive.  I'm turning in circles and bumping into the dishwasher. 

 I think the message here is that the cat could hang out and play with his friend, the duck, if he just got off the Roomba.  Our Roomba minds get in our way.  We over-think, we fear, we get confused.  I need to get off the Roomba.

And so I'm attempting to do just that.  I'm working on getting clear about what I enjoy and not judging whatever comes up.  That has led me to understand that family, food, style, humor, yoga, writing, living fully and with gratitude are things that interest me.  Plus, some other stuff that isn't coming to mind right now.  That's me.  I'm really trying to consciously keep myself open to possibility.  I'm also taking action by writing, keeping a little jewelry business going, and living in a way that represents what I value.  I'm hoping this will get me off the Roomba.  I even read that standing on your head can energetically change your perspective so I gave that a try.  Not sure about the perspective shift, but I did notice that we have Kleenexes and golf tees under our bed.

I'm wearing this today.

This is my "summer turtleneck."  I thought when I bought it that I'd never have any use for a Frenchy, striped, lightweight turtleneck but, turns out, global warming or La Nina or El Nino or something has caused Spring to be irrefutably turtleneck weather.  I am contrasting the stripe with a large pendant necklace and wearing my (somewhat shabby) leopard clogs.  I refuse to wear socks.

gratitude:  the spring pillow combo I currently have on my loveseat, our clean floors, finding the other clicker, funny writers

thanks and love.

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